Hot! and Not! Week of 1/28/07

It's time for a new feature! Wooooo!Several people have asked me about the prospect of doing a "power rankings" sort of feature. I thought, "That's been done to death, and the comedy potential is a little lacking." So I'll do a "Hot and Not!" feature. Those aren't trite and everywhere! Ok, so they are, but the comedy potential is a lot higher.

So without further Apu, I present to you "Hot and Not" for this past week in Hockey, a special all-star edition!

HOT!

1. Chuck Norris. Seen at the NHL All-Star game, my only lament is that the poor lass interviewing him was not the recipient of one of his infamous roundhouse kicks to the head.
2. Daniel Briere. His performance in the All-Star game let the whole world no that he's actually hot, and not just flaming. He racked up more points at the All-Star game than anyone that's actually ever won anything in their lives.
3. The Wreckers. I'll let you draw your own Martin Brodeur joke here.
4. Zach Parise. *Sigh* Isn't he dreamy ladies?
5. Edge. It would have been nice to see some of his patented moves on some of those guys out there. Maybe he could show the aforementioned Daniel Briere how to perform the spear.

NOT!

1. Sidney Crosby. Despite the fact that he was held pointless, XM radio decided that he should be awarded the MVP for the entire tournament. Wait a second, is he CRYING in that photo?!?!?!
2. The Old-Timer's game. I wanted to see the legends of the NHL take on the legends of Dallas hockey!
3. The Fastest Skater competition. Seriously folks, stopwatches? We can do better than that, can't we? And we can't afford to have three of them and take an average? Is the league in such financial dire straits that my youth swim league had a better timing system than the NHL?
4. Giorgia Fumanti. She fell on her rear end walking off, and that was only half as embarrassing as her performance of the anthem.
5. Penalties in the Young Star game. Again, which was sadder, the fact that they called one, or the fact that it wasn't even a penalty?

Well, that wraps up our first edition of "Hot! and Not!" be back here this afternoon for "Ask FS!"

Ask FS! 12-26

Welcome back loyal readers! It's time once again for everyone's favorite Advice column, "Ask FS!" The only column that can singlehandedly break the internet in half! Today's question comes to us form Daniel in Buffalo, who postulatesWill Alex Ovechkin still exist at the end of the night?Wow! What a deep question, Daniel! Many people jump to the assumption that Daniel was talking about whether or not Alex will still be alive, but maybe the sentiments go deeper. Maybe talking about Ovechkin's future existance is simply talking in the Philosophical sense. If Ovechkin suffers brain damage, how does that affect the antithesis of the famous Descartes postulate ("I don't think, therefore I am not?"). Maybe the poster was simply talking in the biblical sense, and had a foreshadowing of the rapture, figuring someone as blessed in skill as Alex would be among the first to ascend to heaven when the Apocalypse comes. Maybe the person was simply talking in the agnostic sense. Do any of us truly exist?

The only way to know for certain is to check back here tomorrow. I'll let you know about my own existance, and probably that of Mr. Ovechkin.

That's it for today folks. Until next time, Let's go Caps!