Ask FS! 1/16/07

Welcome back loyal readers! It's time once again for the internet column that house trained your dog, Ask FS! Today's question comes to us from Barry in Bristol, CT.

Seeing as the All-Star game is coming up, who would you give your midseason awards to? Try to hurry it up, I'm on a deadline

Ok Barry, because YOU asked for it, here are the Ask FS! mid-season awards!

Hart Trophy: League's most valuable player. Well, I thought long and Hart about this one, and I decided to go with Sidney Crosby. Lots of players out there make compelling arguments about being the most valuable to their team, but no argument was more compelling than Gary Bettman promising to send a hit man after me if Crosby doesn't win it. I value my life.

Art Ross: Most points in the season (goals + assists). To the duo on center ice that teaches me more about hockey per broadcast than anyone else, the Minnesota Wild's Dan Terhaar and Mike Greenlay. They make more salient points per broadcast than anyone else, and never dumb the game down, providing a great broadcast, among the countries best.

Richard: Most Goals. I asked myself, "Self, Who scores the most?" and I decided that no one scores as much as Dr. Drew from loveline. Seriously, when you have random 15-year-old-girls to ask you questions about their junk, you are IN. Make sure you double bag it Dr. Drew.

Vezina: Best Goaltender. The whole point of goaltending is to make saves, so I decided to give the award to Jesus, since he saves more than anyone. Kudos, JC!

Norris: Best Defenseman. For coming up with the brilliant defense of "Bitch Set Me Up," this award goes to DC's own Marion Barry. May he burn in hell

Messier: Displaying leadership. This was the easiest one to award. The newly minted Messier Trophy for Leadership goes to Moses, for leading his people to the promised land. It may have taken 40 years, and a couple of pit stops along the way, but daggummit they got there. So that's one trophy for Old Testament and one trophy for New Testament.

Lady Bing: Most Gentlemanly play: It is said that the most gentlemanly thing one can do is help one's fellow man. Daniel Briere is the most helpful player in the league, helping the referees identify calls by flopping to the ice at the slightest touch, making the penalties that much easier to identify.

Calder: Top Rookie. In a shoking upset, Sidney Crosby wins it! Most people didn't think he was a rookie, but Gary Bettman didn't want this illustrious piece of hardware not to adorn Crosby's already Hall of Fame career. Hence, Crosby is now the greatest player EVER, and shall probably rack up four or five Calder trophies by the time all is said and done.


Well, that should do it for this time folks, and remember, if you have a question that you'd like to see in a future edition of Ask FS!, drop me a question in the commments section, or send me an email via the link in the profile! As always, LET'S GO CAPS!