Ask FS! 1/26/07

Welcome back from the break, loyal readers! It's time once again for the only internet column that can tell the difference between an every green and a deciduous azalea, it's "Ask FS!" Today's question comes in from Nancy in Peoria. Nancy wonders,

The all-star game always focuses on the positives, but what all star(s) did you find disappointing?

Thanks for the question Negative Nancy! While a lot has been said about the All-Star game, there are several negatives I've seen that seem to have slipped through the Cracks.

• Only 17 people watched the game in the United States. Half of these people were family members of Zach Parise who were tuning in on the wrong night.
  
• Ovy ate regular Lays potato chips instead of "Baked Lays." The extra half of a pound he will gain will make him even slower in next year's fastest skater competition.
  
• The fact that the NHL wanted to protect Mike Gartner's records in the fastest skater competition, so they did not allow the NHL players to use the new uniforms in the Skills Competition. The new uniforms are supposed to be 9% faster, dagummit!
  
• Chuck Norris didn't kill anyone
• Edge didn't perform the Edgecution or the Edgeomatic on Chuck Norris
• Who the heck calls a penalty in the Young Stars game? It wasn't even a penalty! It was a stick check!
• The lack of an All-Star team of ice girls, or snow hoes, or whatever you want to call them.

The All-Star game may have been entertaining. Some people may have watched it, but on the whole, I feel the preceding did the public a grave injustice. Until next time, just remember. LET'S GO CAPS!